He is a good Husband But not a good lover.

Today my husband and I had a heated discussion. It was going with some times or I can say it is going on, and I want to stop at some place. Every time we had this last statement I felt that I was thinking wrong.

This time I sat and tried to understand if I was the person who was wrong here. He is a good father, he is a good man, and never raised his voice on me until we had heated one. He is a provider for the family, House, Food, and Education for his kid. What else is needed from him? I have expectations from him, those expectations girls have from lovers?

Lover the person in your life is like a cloud that is too good to rain only on you not anywhere else. where the husband is the person who rained everywhere, for him, his parents, his friends, and his office, in short word wife is part of his life and for the Lover, the girlfriend is his life.

So yes I am expecting things from the wrong person or he is the right person my explanations are wrong, he is doing his best and I am the person who is causing the issues.

When I realized I said sorry and stupidly I said that you are a good Husband but not a good lover and that hit the wrong spot, for him he is best in all ways, and it took me some time to make him realize what I am trying to say, I am not sure what he understands but at the end, he is like ok let’s go with that way. And I am yeah let’s see we can skip some heated ones.

PS: I have arranged marriage, I shared all my concerns but it seems he did not understand at that time what I was looking for , we got 7 days to decide and as per his answers I assumed he was on board but now I changed the side of the table let’s see.

My second inning!

It’s been a long time since I wrote anything. Before marriage, I was in the IT industry and now my son is big enough so thought to try the second inning. Covid gave me that opportunity, I got a work-from-home job and can look after my family as well. I was so much into it. In the beginning days, I loved everything even the stress. I was enjoying everything.

The era when I went to the office was different, we used to go to the office and have lunch, and coffee together. at that time the late night team used to be in the office to resolve the issues. yeah, we were frustrated but laughing, and discussing together. We used so many names and phrases but there was respect and a feeling of trust for each other.

One time remember when it was so late and my Team leader dropped me home. Of course, when I asked for leave he rejected me many times ;). My seniors when they mentor me are rude and mean but we have each other’s back. ( Yes but at the time of year review or promotion we are different people).

In the second inning first, it was a WFH job and I loved it but gradually I found things odd. Nowadays colleagues do not know how to talk, OK I get that we talk about work only but even in that manner or say office ethics must be there. One time I was in the call and I heard abusive words and I felt so uncomfortable. I want to report to HR but my husband suggests it’s a new job and things change You need to focus on work only. Anyhow I let it go.

As per my new job and after a long break I struggled, yes not a little, but a huge one, I admire myself, because I was afraid about it. But I did it(YouTube and Google are the best helpers) There was a girl whom I replaced, and she handled all her tasks and people details whom I could contact if something went wrong or needed help(No KT provided). My manager said you will do as she said or shared and I said OK, I can. So one day I got stuck and From the contact list I picked one number and asked for help, The first question I encountered was Who are you, so I explained then the other party raised a second question about why they were not informed that I am replacing previous one and what about the outstanding with the previous one. Yeah, a legit question even though I raised the same that I should formally introduce it to the clients or teammates, never happened, now manager came to me and said How dare I go behind her back, I don’t understand When I did this. I simply reached out to a person and that person did not know me before that I was told I could contact anyone from the contact list so where the hell I am wrong, Ok she feels I am wrong and As per job pressure I am trying to understand But she started the language which I never had in my life, and on the top of that my lead said she must have a bad day, Ok you had a bad day so you use those words?

Now I have my sense that industry changed, now it’s not the second family its a profit-making place, you are in the job get the money and do what is asked, and once you are done Bye Bye…

No respect even not as being human, no data sharing, blame game, the best thing about this industry which I like they used to have language whether they wanted harsh words but in proper language now it’s street one. A person is on the couch watching Netflix and having a conference call. How he/she can feel that environment where you look into the eye face to face say your concern with confidence and then shake hands with no hard feelings and after that have a cup of coffee.

Those unknown people where they are gone, who smiled at you when you entered the office. In the cafeteria, you sit with another team person and share a laugh with lunch, and in the conference room blaming each other. I called that office ethics But with WFH and with this unknown wind they all are gone.

Who will teach those manners, who will teach that on Teams hmm is not an appropriate word, on call using the F, A, M words are not allowed? Now Business language is out of the zone, at least use respectful language.

Thanks for reading it, if you do not agree with me that’s fine I have my concerns you have yours. I shared it here and feel relief you find your way to let it out.

Why don’t he miss her ?

M and W were so much in love, everything is perfect between them, they have the same hobbies, same test. They are soul mates.

Both are working, they start their day with exercise, coffee and then go to the office, they come back home, watch tv or a little gossip and bed. They have a cute dog who is all alone in day time but with M and W his night is good. They have a sweet little family.

M and W had little arguments like W wants M help for cooking, and M suggests appointing a cook. M wants family involvement for that W agrees but on her terms, with W terms M is not agreed. In short as a married couple they have differences but they are in love.After some time they get pregnant, for that W moves to her family. During that time for the first time M and W are apart, but M traveled to W, when M traveled to W he also visited his parents house.

W has no problem with this visit, as M and W’s parents are fully involved in their relationship.But there is little twist, M and W both have expectations with each other, at the same time they are liking No responsibility zone. They are still talking on the phone but slowly they are feeling disconnected. After some time they were blessed with a baby and W got busy at work, baby and she expected help from M. M suggests the same thing appoint cook, have day care or quit the job. For that W was not ready, here M started complaining about her to his mother and the same W is sharing her being to her mother, both mothers are taking sides or their children so instead of husband and wife it became family drama.

W left M place with the baby and started her life at her mother’s place. She is trying that M apologizes and takes them home but M decides to divorce her. W is not saying sorry she is asking to get it back together and take care of the baby as parents. But M is saying you are no good for me.

W is now single mother and take ok ng care of her baby, M wants to talk his baby on phone and if he got custody then his mother will take care of baby.M started hiking, parting, new friends circle, traveling on holidays, new hobbies and when he need to talk, share his feeling or daily conversation he calls his mother and have long conversation. In short M is enjoying bachelor life and he is not missing his soul mate, Why ?

With this As I understand when you become parents, mother fathers both need to sacrifice, it’s not only mother so M’s expectation is wrong. Next is if you have issues don’t involve your third that makes things worse.

W should be ready for something like a cook, no harm in that, the same M should talk to W only yes family friends all are important but no one is replaced with a life partner. Here M replaced W with his mother, he started sharing his emotions, daily thoughts and even private things with his mother. So how can he miss W, he cooks in the morning then the office after that call to mother to share all day things then tv and good night. It’s all finished when he will miss her? (Instead of a mother you can add any third person )

You miss your life partner when you want to share your moments, your emotions, when you need a shoulder to cry to sleep, but all those things if you share with a third then I don’t think you will miss your life partner.

Nowadays divorce is very common, yes in marriage there are differences. Sometimes the husband is not happy with the wife and wife with the husband, but you can deal with each other, if those differences are small like M and W. If I try to see the bigger picture then M is busy in his life and replaces W with a third, W is busy in her life and she replaces M with baby, how and when they will miss each other.

Maybe you have a different perspective, I feel that way and I share it with you, if you have other thoughts share them with me.

Dictionary !!!! Printed vs Electronics

I am here to share a simple thought, today my son asked me the exact meaning of the word Envy so I said lets try the dictionary, we got him one junior dictionary so in that we sat and started looking.

Dictionary the place where you can dig anything. In my school days I used to carry the Oxford big heavy one. Nowadays it’s on your phone with just one click and tada.

As you know how a printed dictionary works, need patience for that, and me and my son were trying to find the words basically I am showing him how to use it. And he ran away got my phone and used Siri and got his answers. He replied to me “amma why are you not using this”. I want to explain to him but then I realize yes it’s an easy way and he is a kid from the era where everything is on figure tips.

He will not understand the pleasure of the printed dictionary, the actual pleasure where you try to find your word alphabetically and roll your eyes for an exact match, meanwhile you encounter some new words and you say ohh that’s the new or I never knew. That exits you and the minute you find your word you just feel achieved and with that method that word and the meaning of that word is stuck on your brain. Now type the word and it’s in front of you but that pleasure is missing. I cannot share that pleasure because for him it’s boring, for my 6 years not sure after some years what else can bore him.

But kind of he is right yes it’s time saver, energy saver and at last you are assured that you will find your answers. This time we read books but pdf form. You know what I got when people see my books they say why you’re collecting those and wasting the space these all are online.

Again I cannot share my feelings when you turn the page, the smell of paper and put the mark while reading, sharper the pencil, Mark the favorite lines wow. Those are amazing.

Yes, the electronic world is different but still, I want my son to love books. It’s funny right I like printed ones but I like googling, here I am sharing myself on electronic media. I wish with electronic media the printed media will be there.

Save Earth

Save Earth it’s a good concept which everybody needs to understand. We are the ones who are polluting the earth. At my time of schooling, they did not teach those concepts. My son is in kindergarten and they are teaching him this thing, I am happy, and when he makes this I feel proud.

He learns things like through the dirty in the trash, doesn’t through the dirty in rivers, uses public transport so we can make less air pollution, don’t loud, don’t horn the cars, these all things helps to make earth happy. Good things right. We teach kids and expect them to apply in life. Sometimes there are punishments if they don’t do as we are teaching.

So here is the problem we are teaching them all the good things to save the earth, but same time we are teaching them don’t apply in real life. For example, no loud, no vehicle horns during the traffic but is it possible. No, I did that and others too, when he ask not to do or why I making noise pollution so… I have nothing to say, what should I explain to him. For rituals purpose at my place we have to take bath in the river, we through things into the river again he is there why?

There are lots of things it’s only some of them, there are lots of why it’s good to teach them. But it will be perfect if whatever we are teaching first we apply in our life and then teach them. Because here we are giving them the wrong impression, whatever you learn not for life, Is this right? I try, yes very difficult but still, I decided to teach him with the actions.