Category: New ways

I Lost MySelf !

I lost myself.. It’s big. And it happens to everyone once in their life. It takes time to gather ourselves and then come back to the place to start life, but some parts are missed, and we always feel.

There are different reasons some have a relationship that breaks them into the deep, loss in business even nowadays failing the exam is also there, but you cannot say that this could not be the reason because if it matters to the person then it matters.

Recently I went through that or can say I got a chance to go to that sea, I was deep and very deep and felt dark that no matter how much I want to survive but every single time I feel going down. Yes, I talked about that and shared my feelings but it helps, not in my case, the moment I am alone I am again in the same place.

That place is all about self criticized, winning, and crying or it’s the ocean of tears, which is getting me down and down day by day. During the criticized things I feel how unimportant I am, yes I have everything but for them I have nothing, they do love me but with reason, if I am not fulfilling their expectations then they just ignore me or aside me.

Is this a Love, relationship? Then I realize people pray to God, in my culture we have billions of gods, and for each thing, there is a different one, so do they love God, No either they are scared or need, then only they pray to him. No one I ever recall says that just love God, without your wanting or something. No one says that God never got angry if you do something bad, God is the only person who accepts you the way you are, I don’t think it mattered to him that did I eat something mistakenly during my fasting days, but I think it does matters to him if I break the heart.

I am in a place where things matter and for me, feelings matter. And when I shared how I heart definitely with the hope that it resolves so they feel I am complaining. Which heart more. So with those things, I thought I lost myself. Who I am and is this me or the world?

It was terrible, I got nobody, I thought about help yes but in my place, doctors are coming from the same zone, they prescribe medicine but I want to be heard only that, listen to me and suggest how to overcome not how wrong I am and I should accept people around me, not at the first place. But did not happen.

At that time Mirror became my friend, strange. I did not notice but I feel someone is there inside who wanted me to go out from this deep dark ocean, don’t know how but started talking to the mirror, the more I talk the more I feel better.

With that mirror I realize what is wrong, the only wrong thing is I am putting the world first and myself second. No matter how much I love everyone but it must be me, as the priority. If I want to expect it, it must be from me.

What I am trying to do, I find myself. It was taking too much time. If the thing is lost and can’t restore, if tried then you will get the piece only

It was not me, who can say it happened. but instead of finding myself, I rebuilt myself, this time the way I want. It is easy. Yeah take time but I am happy that with this 2.0 version of me I fix all the bugs which were causing me issues.no idea of how this will work, for now, I am happy, still around with the same people, and the same situations but this 2.0 are good for me.

So instead of finding Rebuild yourself.

Who you are !

It’s quite interesting question, Who you are ? Did you ever try to find yourself or you go with the flow. The way life is moving and you are sitting in the boat , Never try in opposite direction of stream.

When you try upstream, you will figure out how world treat you, it’s true if you are with downstream, as per the people, you are a right person but in otherwise you are odd men out.

Why, because you are trying something which is off the book, that’s not allowed.

When you try to find your self, you need to go through lots of up and downs like river rafting, you have a good upbringing with the same rule book, now you are in the way where you are opposing the rule book with your new logics, At that moment you are fighting with yourself, with the world and you are all alone who has paddle. That’s call Life on adventure.

People has same thinking regardless of place, a simple example I belive men and women are same there is no difference, both earn, both take care of family, both are achivers but in society that’s not the fect, yes they treat you same but when it come for decision then it’s men oriented.you can experience at any place in your home, in you work place every where. Even there is term Men Igo, why can’t women has Igo 😛 So when you behave like that way, you are odd men out. That’s our book, we got this idea like default one.we don’t want to pass on our kids but they get that.

I have other example kid gets father feature, it feel good but when kid is looking like mother still he gets, that you have father feature, offcourse with mother father 50 50 kid is here 100 percent so he get both them. Why only father feature. When I says this, I am the person who doesn’t know how to reply on comment or I am disrespecting. But why, if someone talking about my kid so I have full rights to answer him, how I am disrespecting Because I am not accepting what he is saying. That’s the way people think about you.

You are good person, you help everyone regardless of thier behaviour towards to you, but still you are in bad list because you are driving opposite the flow.

That’s why I said you can find true you, true friends,true lover whenever you drive the boat in upstream. Choice is yours. I tried I get it, it’s hard but worth to do.