Author: Amita

I was Software engineer, Now I am a house wife, a Mother. I learn a lot with my life, with my kid. I like to share my experience so came up with this idea and become a blogger. I love to read, write and watching TV .

Her place in your life ?

I am from India, here the value of women in your life is based on different aspects, I agree that some people do not agree with me, but first hear me out then decide or share your thoughts. Don’t worry I am not criticizing men or anyone, It’s my observation which I am sharing 😉

I have experience of both the boat, working and house wife, even at one moment I was enjoying both rides together 😊. When I was working the people around me, not my colleague, my family members, my parents,my in-laws they listened to my thoughts, they came and asked for opinions,but things changed when I became a housewife.

Since I am a housewife now they all started advising me, they are criticizing me, my opinion does not matter even upfront they said You don’t know the world and I was like” Ahhh, How come Till yesterday I was fitting there and now I don’t know, with marriage vows did I cross worlds 😂

But that’s the mentality, girl your reading and saying it’s not happening in my house, Go and advice on finance, give your opinion on government. I am the person who can lead the house, office and my husband, my family knows that, they still have eyes towards me. This is they are even If you have one working woman and one Housewife in house you start treating them in a different way.

That treatment starts with women because men do not care, they are having food on time, their laundry is ready and they have a TV remote, then they simply don’t care, So this differentiation starts by women, towards a women. 

Women value is not defined by whether she is working or not, she should not need to prove herself to her own family, if you love her, if you know her, then you know how much she is valuable.

If the house is smart, if everyone praises you  at work, kids achieve in school, Things are systematic then it is because there is a lady who decided to put you all at first place and herself at last. That lady is capable of more than you think, give her slight knowledge she will do better than you. But she is expecting only love.

She is not the housewife she is the Backbone of your life, your house.

Video call !

It’s strange nowadays video is just like a normal call, whenever you want so just click it.

When I met my husband, it was an arranged marriage, his parents came to my place and then told him about me. We arranged a first video call on Facebook, he was in Connecticut and I was in India so that was the only way. When call started I got network issues than a political rally, the sound, that call was about one hour but we were struggling with all this, instead of talking to each other, we were helping each other for these issues. After the call, we two realize that we are good to go, although we did not ask any specific questions, But yes we can have a life together. Funny and a bit strange.

I was in the IT industry and he was too, so when we share this with friends how we agreed without meeting each other they said you are doing a mistake. But not, it was the best decision of our life.

That was two month when we talk on chat, phone without physically meeting, and without a meeting, we fall in love, I want a love marriage but never thought about arranged love marriage.

When we first meet that was our engagement day, I was afraid what he will think like Am I fat, Am I dark, Am I beautiful…… A list of questions but when I see him nothing just we are there. So between engagement and marriage there is exactly 9 month, he back to Connecticut, I went to my place.

At that time WhatsApp was there but not with video facility, so only source was skype or Facebook. And other big issue timing Indian and USA timezone. Now a days wifi is bit good but around 8 years back I have cable wire so more problem. We have only weekends for video call, but most of weekends is like no electricity, no network and I just want to see him only for once no matter but want to see him, I went to internet cafes to get that skype but never work, I just cry and cry nothing work.

For us that 9 months is so difficult but that teaches us that we cannot live without each other, now it’s 10 years of marriage we fight but never go out of the house,because the feeling which we had on those 9 months, that was terrible feelings , some how its good for marriage.

I still imagine what it could be if we met offline, are we going to be the same or different ?

He is a good Husband But not a good lover.

Today my husband and I had a heated discussion. It was going with some times or I can say it is going on, and I want to stop at some place. Every time we had this last statement I felt that I was thinking wrong.

This time I sat and tried to understand if I was the person who was wrong here. He is a good father, he is a good man, and never raised his voice on me until we had heated one. He is a provider for the family, House, Food, and Education for his kid. What else is needed from him? I have expectations from him, those expectations girls have from lovers?

Lover the person in your life is like a cloud that is too good to rain only on you not anywhere else. where the husband is the person who rained everywhere, for him, his parents, his friends, and his office, in short word wife is part of his life and for the Lover, the girlfriend is his life.

So yes I am expecting things from the wrong person or he is the right person my explanations are wrong, he is doing his best and I am the person who is causing the issues.

When I realized I said sorry and stupidly I said that you are a good Husband but not a good lover and that hit the wrong spot, for him he is best in all ways, and it took me some time to make him realize what I am trying to say, I am not sure what he understands but at the end, he is like ok let’s go with that way. And I am yeah let’s see we can skip some heated ones.

PS: I have arranged marriage, I shared all my concerns but it seems he did not understand at that time what I was looking for , we got 7 days to decide and as per his answers I assumed he was on board but now I changed the side of the table let’s see.

Rose day

Rose is the love of our life, pure beauty, and The thrones are the small fight that protects our love.

I got a rose plant on this rose day, it’s beautiful. It’s blooming and looking like that feels so happy.

It’s 9 years of our marriage and I got some roses 😉 it’s my bad luck actually when he wants to give me a rose he is never able to find anyone, even we tried online and somehow the order got canceled.

This time he decided to do a new thing so he tried plant. Since I got the plant I googled everything on how to take care of the rose plant, including dos and don’ts. I am hoping till next rose day it can make it.

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My second inning!

It’s been a long time since I wrote anything. Before marriage, I was in the IT industry and now my son is big enough so thought to try the second inning. Covid gave me that opportunity, I got a work-from-home job and can look after my family as well. I was so much into it. In the beginning days, I loved everything even the stress. I was enjoying everything.

The era when I went to the office was different, we used to go to the office and have lunch, and coffee together. at that time the late night team used to be in the office to resolve the issues. yeah, we were frustrated but laughing, and discussing together. We used so many names and phrases but there was respect and a feeling of trust for each other.

One time remember when it was so late and my Team leader dropped me home. Of course, when I asked for leave he rejected me many times ;). My seniors when they mentor me are rude and mean but we have each other’s back. ( Yes but at the time of year review or promotion we are different people).

In the second inning first, it was a WFH job and I loved it but gradually I found things odd. Nowadays colleagues do not know how to talk, OK I get that we talk about work only but even in that manner or say office ethics must be there. One time I was in the call and I heard abusive words and I felt so uncomfortable. I want to report to HR but my husband suggests it’s a new job and things change You need to focus on work only. Anyhow I let it go.

As per my new job and after a long break I struggled, yes not a little, but a huge one, I admire myself, because I was afraid about it. But I did it(YouTube and Google are the best helpers) There was a girl whom I replaced, and she handled all her tasks and people details whom I could contact if something went wrong or needed help(No KT provided). My manager said you will do as she said or shared and I said OK, I can. So one day I got stuck and From the contact list I picked one number and asked for help, The first question I encountered was Who are you, so I explained then the other party raised a second question about why they were not informed that I am replacing previous one and what about the outstanding with the previous one. Yeah, a legit question even though I raised the same that I should formally introduce it to the clients or teammates, never happened, now manager came to me and said How dare I go behind her back, I don’t understand When I did this. I simply reached out to a person and that person did not know me before that I was told I could contact anyone from the contact list so where the hell I am wrong, Ok she feels I am wrong and As per job pressure I am trying to understand But she started the language which I never had in my life, and on the top of that my lead said she must have a bad day, Ok you had a bad day so you use those words?

Now I have my sense that industry changed, now it’s not the second family its a profit-making place, you are in the job get the money and do what is asked, and once you are done Bye Bye…

No respect even not as being human, no data sharing, blame game, the best thing about this industry which I like they used to have language whether they wanted harsh words but in proper language now it’s street one. A person is on the couch watching Netflix and having a conference call. How he/she can feel that environment where you look into the eye face to face say your concern with confidence and then shake hands with no hard feelings and after that have a cup of coffee.

Those unknown people where they are gone, who smiled at you when you entered the office. In the cafeteria, you sit with another team person and share a laugh with lunch, and in the conference room blaming each other. I called that office ethics But with WFH and with this unknown wind they all are gone.

Who will teach those manners, who will teach that on Teams hmm is not an appropriate word, on call using the F, A, M words are not allowed? Now Business language is out of the zone, at least use respectful language.

Thanks for reading it, if you do not agree with me that’s fine I have my concerns you have yours. I shared it here and feel relief you find your way to let it out.

Fun in the life #16

Today’s discussion (argument 😝)

My kid : I want to pour chocolate syrup on my pancake as much as I want.

Me: How do you study, You do like all at once or You do one at a time.

Kid: One at a time

Me: Same with chocolate syrup, small amount at a time.

After that a long discussion happened like he said he will not listen to me blah blah blah and my final line was….

The way you are eating the syrup, you are going to do your study in the same way. ( After that silence and then he did as I asked 😎)

Why don’t he miss her ?

M and W were so much in love, everything is perfect between them, they have the same hobbies, same test. They are soul mates.

Both are working, they start their day with exercise, coffee and then go to the office, they come back home, watch tv or a little gossip and bed. They have a cute dog who is all alone in day time but with M and W his night is good. They have a sweet little family.

M and W had little arguments like W wants M help for cooking, and M suggests appointing a cook. M wants family involvement for that W agrees but on her terms, with W terms M is not agreed. In short as a married couple they have differences but they are in love.After some time they get pregnant, for that W moves to her family. During that time for the first time M and W are apart, but M traveled to W, when M traveled to W he also visited his parents house.

W has no problem with this visit, as M and W’s parents are fully involved in their relationship.But there is little twist, M and W both have expectations with each other, at the same time they are liking No responsibility zone. They are still talking on the phone but slowly they are feeling disconnected. After some time they were blessed with a baby and W got busy at work, baby and she expected help from M. M suggests the same thing appoint cook, have day care or quit the job. For that W was not ready, here M started complaining about her to his mother and the same W is sharing her being to her mother, both mothers are taking sides or their children so instead of husband and wife it became family drama.

W left M place with the baby and started her life at her mother’s place. She is trying that M apologizes and takes them home but M decides to divorce her. W is not saying sorry she is asking to get it back together and take care of the baby as parents. But M is saying you are no good for me.

W is now single mother and take ok ng care of her baby, M wants to talk his baby on phone and if he got custody then his mother will take care of baby.M started hiking, parting, new friends circle, traveling on holidays, new hobbies and when he need to talk, share his feeling or daily conversation he calls his mother and have long conversation. In short M is enjoying bachelor life and he is not missing his soul mate, Why ?

With this As I understand when you become parents, mother fathers both need to sacrifice, it’s not only mother so M’s expectation is wrong. Next is if you have issues don’t involve your third that makes things worse.

W should be ready for something like a cook, no harm in that, the same M should talk to W only yes family friends all are important but no one is replaced with a life partner. Here M replaced W with his mother, he started sharing his emotions, daily thoughts and even private things with his mother. So how can he miss W, he cooks in the morning then the office after that call to mother to share all day things then tv and good night. It’s all finished when he will miss her? (Instead of a mother you can add any third person )

You miss your life partner when you want to share your moments, your emotions, when you need a shoulder to cry to sleep, but all those things if you share with a third then I don’t think you will miss your life partner.

Nowadays divorce is very common, yes in marriage there are differences. Sometimes the husband is not happy with the wife and wife with the husband, but you can deal with each other, if those differences are small like M and W. If I try to see the bigger picture then M is busy in his life and replaces W with a third, W is busy in her life and she replaces M with baby, how and when they will miss each other.

Maybe you have a different perspective, I feel that way and I share it with you, if you have other thoughts share them with me.

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Dictionary !!!! Printed vs Electronics

I am here to share a simple thought, today my son asked me the exact meaning of the word Envy so I said lets try the dictionary, we got him one junior dictionary so in that we sat and started looking.

Dictionary the place where you can dig anything. In my school days I used to carry the Oxford big heavy one. Nowadays it’s on your phone with just one click and tada.

As you know how a printed dictionary works, need patience for that, and me and my son were trying to find the words basically I am showing him how to use it. And he ran away got my phone and used Siri and got his answers. He replied to me “amma why are you not using this”. I want to explain to him but then I realize yes it’s an easy way and he is a kid from the era where everything is on figure tips.

He will not understand the pleasure of the printed dictionary, the actual pleasure where you try to find your word alphabetically and roll your eyes for an exact match, meanwhile you encounter some new words and you say ohh that’s the new or I never knew. That exits you and the minute you find your word you just feel achieved and with that method that word and the meaning of that word is stuck on your brain. Now type the word and it’s in front of you but that pleasure is missing. I cannot share that pleasure because for him it’s boring, for my 6 years not sure after some years what else can bore him.

But kind of he is right yes it’s time saver, energy saver and at last you are assured that you will find your answers. This time we read books but pdf form. You know what I got when people see my books they say why you’re collecting those and wasting the space these all are online.

Again I cannot share my feelings when you turn the page, the smell of paper and put the mark while reading, sharper the pencil, Mark the favorite lines wow. Those are amazing.

Yes, the electronic world is different but still, I want my son to love books. It’s funny right I like printed ones but I like googling, here I am sharing myself on electronic media. I wish with electronic media the printed media will be there.

I Lost MySelf !

I lost myself.. It’s big. And it happens to everyone once in their life. It takes time to gather ourselves and then come back to the place to start life, but some parts are missed, and we always feel.

There are different reasons some have a relationship that breaks them into the deep, loss in business even nowadays failing the exam is also there, but you cannot say that this could not be the reason because if it matters to the person then it matters.

Recently I went through that or can say I got a chance to go to that sea, I was deep and very deep and felt dark that no matter how much I want to survive but every single time I feel going down. Yes, I talked about that and shared my feelings but it helps, not in my case, the moment I am alone I am again in the same place.

That place is all about self criticized, winning, and crying or it’s the ocean of tears, which is getting me down and down day by day. During the criticized things I feel how unimportant I am, yes I have everything but for them I have nothing, they do love me but with reason, if I am not fulfilling their expectations then they just ignore me or aside me.

Is this a Love, relationship? Then I realize people pray to God, in my culture we have billions of gods, and for each thing, there is a different one, so do they love God, No either they are scared or need, then only they pray to him. No one I ever recall says that just love God, without your wanting or something. No one says that God never got angry if you do something bad, God is the only person who accepts you the way you are, I don’t think it mattered to him that did I eat something mistakenly during my fasting days, but I think it does matters to him if I break the heart.

I am in a place where things matter and for me, feelings matter. And when I shared how I heart definitely with the hope that it resolves so they feel I am complaining. Which heart more. So with those things, I thought I lost myself. Who I am and is this me or the world?

It was terrible, I got nobody, I thought about help yes but in my place, doctors are coming from the same zone, they prescribe medicine but I want to be heard only that, listen to me and suggest how to overcome not how wrong I am and I should accept people around me, not at the first place. But did not happen.

At that time Mirror became my friend, strange. I did not notice but I feel someone is there inside who wanted me to go out from this deep dark ocean, don’t know how but started talking to the mirror, the more I talk the more I feel better.

With that mirror I realize what is wrong, the only wrong thing is I am putting the world first and myself second. No matter how much I love everyone but it must be me, as the priority. If I want to expect it, it must be from me.

What I am trying to do, I find myself. It was taking too much time. If the thing is lost and can’t restore, if tried then you will get the piece only

It was not me, who can say it happened. but instead of finding myself, I rebuilt myself, this time the way I want. It is easy. Yeah take time but I am happy that with this 2.0 version of me I fix all the bugs which were causing me issues.no idea of how this will work, for now, I am happy, still around with the same people, and the same situations but this 2.0 are good for me.

So instead of finding Rebuild yourself.